From the
JOKIN' AROUND DISK
by
LEEJAN ENTERPRISES
P.O. Box 66. Happy Valley.
South Australia. 5159.
THOSE ALARMING ADDITIVES!
I suspect you are just like I was, before in-depth research enlightened me
and I discovered what I now am forced to share with you, namely a listing
of the more important hidden ingredients of the foodstuffs in which we all
share. Under ordinary laboratory conditions, four out of six mice lost all
track of time and were forced to consult digital watches for time, after a
simple feeding of the usual snack foods. Several frogs, force fed
convenience foods under microwave conditions, simply died. The attendant
was unaware of the fact that they were not to be put in the microwave with
the product.
To obtain this non-exhaustive list, we sent plainly dressed consumers into
a variety of supermarkets to purchase a variety of repulsive muck and fuss
which is what others call junque food. This is how we obtained the listing
which we share with you, which must make disturbing reading for anyone who
has or has had or does or will have a teen age person eating out now and
again or more so, or even less.
Great Grand Gunk Productions has prepared an Audio-Visual Slide
Presentation and also a Video Cassette Recording of the Findings of this
Listing, which may be rented, purchased, or leased, according to the
preference of the viewer, for appropriate sums, from proper offices, main
and branch.
KNOW WHAT YOU ARE EATING!!!
A l05 Collated Coconut Husk Hairs
A ll0 Emulsified Pig's Spleen Extract (Vanilla)
A ll3 Emulsified Pig's Spleen Extract (Gorgonzola Cheese and Onion Flavor)
A ll4 Artificially Reconglomerated Pig's Spleen Extract (Parmesan)
A ll5 Conglomerated Sheepshank and Swill Deluxe - Balanced
A l20 Permitted Gum
A l25 Another Permitted Gum
A l30 Yet Another Permitted Gum
A l35 Still Yet Another Permitted Gum
A l40 A Not So Much Permitted Gum and Sticky Residue
A l45 Complex Simple Intruding Gum Compounds and Sticky Residue
A l50 Circumcised Gumbo Artichoke Hearts Polyunsaturated in Juice
A l55 Artificial Circumspect (A Synthetic Herb Composed of Mysterious Pits)
A l60 Butylate Orthophosphoric Benzoate (Crispy Bacon Bits)
A l65 Water Based Plumping Agent, Inert
A l66 Water Based Plumping Agent, Ert
A l67 Non-Water Based Plumping Agent, Experimental
A l70 Bovine Umbilical Sullage
A l75 Bifurcated Umbilical Sullage (Marshmallow)
A l77 Quintella Renderings of Umbilical Sullage ( Rash Malt)
A l80 Brilliant Red
A l8l Brilliant Green
A l83 Brilliant Yellow
A l84 Not So Intelligent Red
A l85 Rather Slow Green
A l86 Wondering Yellow
A l87 Sub-normal Red
A l88 Slow, Really Slow Green
A l89 Barely Discerned Yellow
A l90 Synthetic Bacterial Stiffener (Basic Soup Ingredient)
A l95 Homogenized Synthetic Bacterial Stiffener
A l98 Dehydrated Homogenic Synthetic Bacterial Stiffener Unconstituted
WHAT YOU EAT IN JUNK FOODS -
A 200 Clotted Eel
A 205 Defoliated Eel Spines Gelatinized in Zola Flox
A 2l0 Clarified Puff Fish Liver Spume
A 2l5 Demythologized Intimidated Paraffin
A 220 Liquified Inert Substandard Insignificances
A 225 Uncracked Soviet Marine Diesel Residue ( Wild Strawberry)
A 230 Residual Air Pocket Remnants and Tofu Deposits
A 235 Menthol Slimp Oil and Rocket Projectile Particles
A 240 Dementholated Slimp Oil Redefined and Deprojected
A 245 Eucalyptus Nitrate Slivers
A 246 Eucalyptus Nitrate Slices
A 247 Eucalyptus Nitrate Globs
A 248 Eucalyptus Nitrate Case Lots Unrefined Globs
A 250 Reconstituted Artificial Simulated Gumbo Spores - No calories
A 255 Galactic N-5, Non-Radioactive Disodium Ribonucleotide Lactate
A 256 Galactic N-6, Non-Radioactive Disodium Ribonucleotide Lassitude
A 257 Galactic N-7, Neither of the Above Two Entries, Except Part of N-5
A 260 Polyputta-Katalon Demulsifier
A 26l Polyputta-Katalon Stuffer
A 263 Polyputta-Katalon Intensifier
A 264 Polyputta-Katalon Remover (Semi-Toxic)
A 265 Pork Fettisch Concentrate (Pelletized)
A 270 Unsubstantiated Corporeal Animal Compositions on a Stick (Broiled)
A 275 Polyputta-Hydroglicene Regurgitate Lotion
A 276 Polyputta-Hydroglicene Regurgitate Pellets
A 277 Polyputta-Hydroglicene Regurgitate Smooth and Creamy
A 278 Polyputta-Hydroglicene Regurgitate Rough and Lumpy
A 279 Polyputta-Hydroglicene Regurgitate Reconstituted Industrial Strength
A 280 Dilapidated Cocoa Cultures and Assorted Fungi
A 285 Carbonated Chicken Wastes (Syrup)
A 286 Carbonated Dehumidified Solidified Fermented Chicken Wastes ( Solids)
A 287 Uncomplicated Barbecued Chicken Wastes (Semi-Sauce)
A 288 Laminated Chicken Wastes In Lucite (Solids)
A 290 Hoof Sludge Glutamate With Preservative (Wild Onion and Curry)
A 29l Diabetic Hoof Sludge Glutamate With Preservative (Wild Onion Only)
A 292 Debilitated Resuscitated Hoof Sludge Glutamate (Italian Style)
A 295 Edible Sausage Case Linings in Sauce
A 297 Simulated Genuine Imitation Synthetic Reconstituted Chicken Parts
A 300 Prehistoric Muscle Tissue from a Very Tough Creature
A 305 Dark Rust
A 306 Darker Rust
A 307 Really Sickly Dark Rust
A 308 Totally Putrid Disgusting Uncolored Particles of Dryrot
A 3l0 Protoplasmic Tongue Lubricant
A 3l5 Simulated Slubbing Agent
A 3l6 Dissimulated Slubbing Agent
A 3l7 Liquified Hydrogenated Mulsified Fortified Slubbing Agent
A 3l8 Fortified Hyper-Hydrogenated Super Mulsified Slubbing Agent,
Defortied
A 3l9 Particalized Reconstituted Recycled Slubbing Agent (Farm Fresh)
A 320 Pulverized Deconstituted Encapsulated Slubbing Agent ( Non-Skid)
A 325 Nuclear Wastes Unclassified
A 330 Nuclear Wastes Classified
A 336 Elements of Toadstool from a Dysfunctioning Toad
A 338 Intimidated Elements of Toadstool
A 340 Benzine Rings and Uncertain Valve Parts in Mesh
A 345 Partially Reconstituted Linoleum
A 347 Yet Less Partially Reconstituted Linoleum and Vinyl Siding Parts
A 350 Musky Skunk Oil Coagulant - Industrial Strength - In Asbestos Vats
A 355 Islamic Prayer Rug Gleanings and Particles
A 360 Benxylated Onion Rings (Chocolate)
A 36l Benxylated Onion Rings and Parsley Sauce
A 362 Benxylated Onion Rings and Garlic Cloves in SAE l0W40
A 365 Partially Smelted Chicken Parts Paste and Gravy Combination
A 366 Certain Ventricles
A 367 Unidentified Parts of Synthesized Chicken Artificially Reconstituted
A 368 Differentiated Custard and Sundry Flabors of Lutin
A 369 Laminated Pie Crust and Pre-Dried Sludge
A 370 Chef's Unmitigated Gall and Manifestations
A 375 Follicular Material from Waitress or Waiter
A 380 Monolithic Regurgitate (Gravy Substitute)
A 385 Certain Cretin Formulae In Concrete Manifest Expose (French Dip)
A 390 Suffocated Desiccated Formulations of Imitation Edibles
A 395 Sympathy (Foam)
A 397 Pity (Crumbs in Paste)
A 400 Adulterated Goose Pimples
A 405 Catastrophic Gastro-Intestinal Dysfunction Lumpage and Sauce
A 4l0 Epicranial Slime and Grits
A 4l5 Castellated Ox Filaments
A 420 Disjointed Loss Agent
A 42l Disjointed Loss Agent, Concentrate
A 422 Disjointed Loss Agent, Spigot Lump Particles in Cellular Paste
A 423 Disjointed Loss Agent, Reactivated Circular Particulate Matter
A 424 Disjointed Loss Agent, Creme
A 425 Wombat Nail Remover Concentrate
A 430 Vulcanized Wombat Nail Remover Concentrate Dilution Solution
A 435 Differential Unsubstantiated Origin Materials Unspecified
A 440 Eviscerated Mammal Flavoring ( 3l varieties - specify!)
A 445 Impenetratable Ghee
A 450 Insufferable Curry and Loos
A 455 Unspeakable Ode de Phume de Skunk (Undomesticated)
A 460 Inedible Auricular Paste, Bovine and Equine, Concentrate
A 465 Fartious Nutmeg
A 467 Even More Fartious Nutmeg
A 468 Criminal Nurturing Fartious Hyper-Nutmeg
A 470 Unidentified Flying Critters in Solution
A 475 Portions of Structure in Gravy
A 480 Smoldering Simulations of Burnt Offerings to Foreign Gods
A 485 Agitated Dicalceous Diothorphosphate (Spam)
A 490 Aged Yacht Varnish in Regression to Prime Condition
A 495 Artificial Ermal Parts, Reconstituted Hydraulically
A 496 Artificial Ermal Parts, Encapsulated in Musk Oil Sauce
A 497 Artificial Ermal Parts, Dehumidified and Desiccated by Crushing
A 498 Artificial Ermal Parts, and A 465.
A 500 Laminated Tofu
A 505 Vulcanized Crushed Sprouts of Fibrous Tissue
A 5l0 Zirconia Fibers and Bits in Sauce
A 5l5 Unliberated Gaseous Particles
A 520 Compressed Mosquito Lips
A 525 Adulterated Protoplasmic Slubbing Agents ( Burnt Butterscotch)
A 530 Partially Smelted Coagulants from Prehistoric Productivity Centers
A 535 Clarified Givaltafish Livers in Green Ooze Paste
A 540 Codified Hydrox Mush Meal in Salient Solution
A 545 Ethyl-lycopene Solvents in Granulated Pellets
A 550 Simulated Disjointment Paste in Coagulated Gelatin
A 555 Industrial Strength Bulker
A 556 Industrial Strength Bulker Concentrate
A 557 Industrial Strength Super Bulker
A 558 Industrial Strength Super Bulker Concentrate
A 559 Industrial Strength Super Hyper Bulker Concentrated Concentrate
A 601 Fortified Lab Scrapings In Heinous Sauce
A 604 Genuine Imitation Enhanced Floxwart Seasonings, Emulsified
A 607 Previously Bicarbonated Substances Reduced
A 612 Deionized Air Filter Particles, Encubed
A 615 Parafinated Gelatinized Waxy Flouted Rutabaga Mould
A 618 Riboflavin, Enhanced and Reconstituted in Partial Solids
A 619 Undifferentiated Partial Solids Enhanced by Riboflavin
A 620 Partially Differentiated Quasi-Solids, Unreconstituted
A 622 Safflower Tippets in Green Sauce - Partially Discolored
A 623 Safflower Tippets in Green Sauce - Fully Discolored
A 626 Emulsified Bacterial Fortifier and Fluff
A 629 Delactated Bovine Sluff, Powdered
A 630 Delactated Bovine Sluff, Granulated
A 635 Redefined Peppermint
A 636 Unrefined Reconstituted Slubbing Agents in Syrup
A 638 Dehydrated Refined Artificial Bear Grease in Lumpage
A 640 Bilious Cabbage Leaves in Chocolate Sauce
A 643 Non-Toxic Slippage Materials, Bulk Enhancers
A 647 Funk's Famous Decarbonated Chalk Emulsifier Tablets
A 648 Critical Vinegar
A 649 Flossed Bivictual Satisfiers in Imitation Gravy Solution
A 653 Concentrated Imitation Imitation - Accept No Substitutes
A 655 Low Calorie Embalming Fluid
A 657 Redirected Onion Flakes in Imitation Aqueous Solution, Partial
Equipped with this listing of materials, you must become aware of the many
combinations which can be employed to produce what looks like an ordinary
meal in a fairly decent restaurant. Once having done this, of course, you
are now ready to open your own Emporium of Edibles and start serving what
the American public wants, fast food. You will need a few tomato wedges
and some parsley and perhaps a few other minor items, and it all comes out
hot - this is important. People do not like to eat cold things when they
think they should be hot, so heat this stuff up and serve it quickly. Try
to satisfy, this is import.
Most of these items can be purchased in your local grocery store,although quite
honestly few grocery stores carry commercial quantity containers or sell in
truckload lots. When you buy pineapple chunks,you buy the same process as used
in the above lists, chunking. It is just a matter of terms, very little else,
that allows the commercial distributor to sell these above listed items as
greatly reduced rates.
Please note that the above is only a partial listing of those items which can
be purchased. For the entire list, you will need to purchase a catalogue, and
these are currently out of print, as they have been since some time back.
From the
JOKIN' AROUND DISK
by
LEEJAN ENTERPRISES
P.O. Box 66. Happy Valley.
South Australia. 5159.